Everybody Loves Jeremy

Read more about the article Three Words
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Three Words

When Jeremy was first diagnosed and we shared it publicly with everyone, his mentor from his teenage years reached out to him and shared something that Jeremy held on to throughout all of this. His mentor said that when his wife was going through cancer, she had said she didn’t want her pain to be wasted. This statement resonated with Jeremy and he told me on several occasions that that was what he wanted. He didn’t want his pain wasted.  And I think by many of you allowing me to share the pain and hurt but yet the hope and the light in all this allowed for that. I spoke to a dear friend a couple days after Jeremy’s passing and she said that she had been shocked to hear that Jeremy was going home on hospice and that only a few short days later that he was gone. She…

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August 24, 2022
Read more about the article They Will Be Called Oaks
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They Will Be Called Oaks

The last couple of weeks leading up to the two year anniversary of Jeremy's death, I have been flooded with memories of that January and February of 2020. The things that lead up to February 13. I've thought of conversations that Jeremy and I had in the hospital room after we knew he would be going home on hospice. They consisted of talking through a lot of practical things, like what truck I would need since he wasn’t going to be around to take care of our older truck. However, we also talked about unfulfilled dreams, like getting a camper and doing more camping trips with the kids or taking a trip out west with them. And we talked about the table that he wouldn’t build. Ever since we had moved onto the farm, we had discussed him building a three-plank farm table that was long enough to fit many…

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February 21, 2022
Jeremy's Cancer Journey

Thank You

All the guests have gone home and today I am trying to figure out what life is going to look like now.  No worries. I am not demanding a lot of myself and am taking it easy but still realize that there needs to be some normalcy for the sake of my kids. What normal looks like? I have no idea.  We are taking this week easy and will get back to school and activities next week but in the meantime I am trying to get my ducks in a row.  First, I want to give a big shout out and thank you to my dear friend, Leslie. She came down from NY a few days earlier than everyone else and jumped in and took care of so much for me. She was my list maker and enforcer. She even had on her list, “Keep on task.” I feel like…

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March 3, 2020
Jeremy's Cancer Journey

Hope

I was talking to my sister a couple weeks back and she made reference to her cancer five years ago. She said that hers really hadn't been that bad especially compared to Jeremy's.  I stopped her and told her that all cancer is bad and shouldn't be minimalized. She agreed but then said that all cancer is bad but Jeremy's has been cruel. I had to agree with her. His has been very cruel. It hit hard and fast and has been relentless and destructive.  We knew from the very beginning that he was facing a formidable opponent. We are continually met with shock and dismay from people ( mostly medical) when they find out that Jeremy was just diagnosed  in September. The destruction of the type of cancer he has is shocking. But despite what it has been doing to him, Jeremy has fought hard... Fought hard to gain…

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February 18, 2020
Jeremy's Cancer Journey

February 16, 2020

Thank you everyone who has sent messages and words of condolences.  For the notes and cards that have been showing up in my mailbox. To say I feel lost is an understatement. Fighting alongside Jeremy the last five months against cancer has been hard, but walking with him in his last few hours of his life was the hardest thing I have ever had to experience…giving him permission to leave but not wanting him to go. I have always said to him throughout this whole illness that when Jesus calls his name, to not worry about me and the kids, I wanted him to listen to Him and GO. Wanting him to find peace wasn’t hard, but just knowing what that meant was extremely hard. But despite all that hard, I was given a gift in his passing. I know when he heard Jesus calling his name and I know when…

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February 18, 2020
Jeremy's Cancer Journey

Watch

There hasn't been much change with Jeremy. They are still giving him a wide spectrum of strong antibiotics to try to kill whatever infection is going on. Hopefully, tonight he will get some uninterrupted sleep. I wanted to share something that's been on my heart for the last couple days but very much so today. I've shared how I felt like God gave my heart the word Trust before Jeremy was diagnosed.  But after he was diagnosed, I felt He gave me the word Watch also. I wanted to add words to that word...like, "Watch what I can do," or "Watch how l will heal him." But I felt a catch in my spirit. No. It was only one word... Watch. There was no promise of healing in that Watch. But there was a promise.  I just didn't know what that promise was. I knew what I wanted it to be.  I've gone back to that word many times, remembering…

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February 9, 2020
Jeremy's Cancer Journey

Back in the Hospital

Same hospital, new view. This week Jeremy has been overall not feeling well and really weak. Long story short, we ended back up at the hospital yesterday morning because he has some sort of infection going on. They think it's a complication due to the procedure he had done last week but still waiting for more information. So for now he is hooked up to fluids and getting a broad spectrum of antibiotics. It looks like he'll be here over the weekend as they try to get his infection under control. I personally think he just likes being here just so he can see his IR team more. 😉 We joke that they are his IR wives because they take such good care of him and always come find him to check on him even when he's not in their care. They keep us smiling.

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February 8, 2020
Jeremy's Cancer Journey

January 31, 2020

Jeremy's numbers headed in the right direction overnight. Not there yet though.  I can see a difference in him and I am grateful for that. He will definitely be here all weekend to see how he does.  I told my sisters this morning, that I'm living the most intense roller coaster of my life... While holding a very large cup of coffee. 

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January 31, 2020
Jeremy's Cancer Journey

Surgery

The surgery itself went well. His nurse who he had had only one other time and it was back when he had his port put in, came out to see me before the Dr did to tell me all went well. He got choked up and told me how sorry he was that we are going through this. And then he hugged me. I have a couple thoughts run through my mind when this happens... Cuz it happens a good deal these days. 1- Jeremy has some pretty  incredible caring people taking care of him. It overwhelms me and blesses me.  2- He must be in pretty bad shape for it to affect so many people like this. I mean I know it's bad because we are living it but I guess it's REALLY obvious.  And 3-  Good thing I'm a hugger. We will have to wait and see over…

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January 30, 2020