It’s a rainy, cool morning and the house is really quiet except for the occasional huff coming from Penny. I figured I would hop on here and give an update.
Yesterday, Jeremy went in to have his pump taken down, thus completing round two of chemo. We found out this week that after his fourth treatment, he will need to have another scan done to see if it is working…so most likely after another month. His RBC’s were low but they are working on that, but apparently it is a common issue with chemo. The first 24 hours of this treatment weren’t bad for Jeremy, but about midday Thursday, it hit him and hit him hard and continued into Friday. The doctor gave him some new meds for the nausea so we shall see how that goes now that he tries to recover. I have such mixed feelings about his chemo days. I am so grateful that he was able to have the antibody therapy this time and that he can do chemo to fight this, but also hating how hard it is on him. I felt like I was counting down the hours until they could take that pump off of him. I know anyone who has gone through this or walked it with a loved one knows what I am talking about. It sucks. Today, I am praying that Jeremy can get some nutrition back in him and lots of fluids to get the chemo out of his system.
I think I knew that this part was going to be hard but I don’t think I was ready for some other things about this journey. Like the infusion center. God bless those nurses. I couldn’t do their job. I was overwhelmed Wednesday, not only from watching Jeremy going through this but the other brave patients getting treatments. Like the woman who found out her treatments weren’t working and her cancer has grown. Or the woman who thought she would be getting her last treatment but found out it had to be pushed off a week. Or that woman who gave me that beautiful huge smile and waved to me when I walked into the room because she remembered us from the previous treatment. Or the man that I happen to know from the past that hurts during his treatments but keeps fighting and pushing through. Or the woman new to the area who just got re-diagnosed and wanted to know if there was a place that she could go privately and get her head shaved. Yeah, I wasn’t ready for that part. I mean, I really wasn’t ready for any of this, but yeah… I hate hate hate seeing people hurting and not being able to do anything about it. It hit Jeremy hard at his first treatment. Sitting there surrounded by people who are working through their own hard. Can I ask a favor? Maybe when you pray for Jeremy, you could include them, even if it is a blanket prayer?
And lest I leave you all gloomy and stuff, I do have to say, though there is so so so much hard in this, there has been so much beauty and wow in this for Jeremy and me. Things that only this hard could bring about. Ann Voskamp says it beautifully.
“…sometimes the thing you never would choose for your life, chooses you for a reason. And the thing that you’d never pick? Picks you to become brave.
And sometimes…you get what you need — by walking through what you never wanted –
and the thing you never wanted, may turn out to be be the thing you need most.
I hadn’t known but now believe: the thing that may make you fall a bit apart, may be part of what one day holds you a bit together.
And I’m finding that the only way to the abundant life is to accept discomfort in your life. The way to what we want — is often through what we don’t want. Painfully hard things are part of the price of admission to a purposeful, holy life.
But always believe it: Grace can strike when you are in great pain and light you with the greatest hope.
So hang in there! “…we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, *not a day goes by without His unfolding grace.*” 2Cor4MSG”
#TheWayOfAbundance #TheBrokenWay
Grace can strike when you are in great pain and light you with the greatest hope!!!!!!
